With Twilight at the movies, I've already made up my mind that when it comes to vampires, Edward Cullen is of a weaker variety. Compiled below is a list of vampires that I believe could kill Edward without even trying very hard.
#7: Peter from Vampire's Kiss
Peter isn't completely a vampire, but he thinks he is, which is what matters. The love-sick character played by Nicolas Cage could take time out of obsessing over his love and his sins just long enough to knock Edward on his rear. Peter knows obsession and he could run circles around what Mr. Twilight thinks is undying love.
#6: Sheriff Olsen from 30 Days of Night
I loved this film up until the last five minutes. Not since The Thing had I seen a proper horror film set in the snow work. Given, Olsen was only a vampire for a short period of time, but in that time span he destroyed the head of the evil vampire cult. He had a lot of angst built up during those 30 days and I believe Edward would have been the perfect object for him to vent.
#5: Dracula
Any version of Dracula would work; even Leslie Nielsen from Dracula: Dead and Loving It could handle Edward. A lesson to the Twilight crew: If you're going to be mythic, there has to be some level of loathing other than self-loathing. The only other vampire to hate themselves this much was David Boreanaz' Angel and even he slipped and admitted he disliked certain people and things... and then he killed them. Edward rips out tree trunks when he's angry. Also, Dracula waited for centuries to be reunited with his soul mate and he sacrifices himself so that he doesn't hurt her. All Edward did was attend high school for a century and hope for a nice girl. That's creepy, right? Even if you are undead, there are laws.
#4: Selene from Underworld
Yeah, I get it; you think Kate Beckinsale is hot. She may even be hotter than Edward, but the caliente factor isn't what we're examining. Selene hunts werewolves for a living. She spends her version of eternity jumping off of buildings while shooting at Lykens. She killed her dad and turned her boyfriend into a half-werewolf/half-vampire killing machine all within ten minutes. Edward in turn drove a VW bug really fast down an icy road away from would-be violators and was disgusted by the evil thoughts he read in their minds. To kill another vampire is to go against the code, but I think Selene would believe there could be an exception to the rule.
#3: Frost from Blade
Teenage girls across the country are swooning at the chaste kiss between Edward and Bella. I ask you my friends, how can it truly be a vampire kiss if it doesn't involve blood? When Frost plays tonsil hockey with another vampire after ripping a hapless victim's neck out, it signifies a level of carnality that makes the audience believe you have to be immortal to kiss like that. I think Frost would make Edward the bar back at his club and he wouldn't think twice about him afterwards.
#2: Anton from Night Watch
Russian vampires. Enough said. The undead with an ex-KGB undertone to them is scary, heck, it would be scary without the undead part. The Cullens clan in Twilight is a nuclear family that obeys certain rules to mainstream with humans. Anton in Night Watch is a soldier in a war between the forces of Light and Dark. Anton isn't a vampire due to an accident or a curse, he exists to serve a purpose for a greater good. His daily responsibilities alone could kill Edward and they don't even live in the same country, though I ponder if Edward can see Anton in Russia from the rooftop of his house.
#1: Claudia from Interview with a Vampire
A five year old girl could kick Edward's ass, yeah, I said it. These two vampires have a lot in common. They were both young when they were turned and they're both about a hundred years old. While Edward describes himself as a monster to Bella, Claudia travels the world to help define what she is. Edward believes he's the worst predator on earth. Claudia believes that there is no meaning to what they are and laughs about it after slitting the throat of her maker. She would find nothing amusing about Edward and would most likely kill him for sport.
I understand that Twilight is more about love and less about blood. Stephanie Meyer decided to write her teenage love affair story with vampires as the metaphor for lust and longing. It worked, it sold, and people came to watch (given, it was mostly the tweens). The commandment they broke was that they used the word vampire and then didn't have vampires in the movie. That's sacrilege. You can hate who you are all you want, but if you are an immortal that feeds on blood, you have to actually do it, and there has to be characteristics to you besides your skin sparkling like diamonds in the sun. They're sort of teenagers and they're in love, I get it, but drop the vampire routine. I'm willing to call it a truce if they just referred to themselves as immortal hemophiliacs.
