OMG Horror

3-D film projection has long offered an amorphous film viewing experience. Constantly adapting and reinventing over the course of its long-lived inception in the early 20th century, three dimensional movie making has come along way, often redefined in accordance with the most cutting edge technology. From the golden age of the 1950s, to the 1980s renaissance, to the turn-of-the-century diarrhetic flood of straight-to-video excrement, to the enormous and recent animated blockbusters, the format has endured it all. However, one thing has remained a constant throughout; 3-D has always been a horror/sci-fi film darling. And now IT'S BACK!

On the docket for newly minted theatrical 3-D horror is a tentative list of development deals, some further along than others:

In the 50s, 3-D's ephemeral first stint preceded the widescreen format by only a few years. In fact, many at the time confused the two, and after 1953 most 3-D films were shown in widescreen format. Among some of the crowning horror achievements in this era include: Bwana Devil (the first legit 3-D movie, starring one Robert Stack), House of Wax (with good ol' Vinnie Price, since remade with Paris "I'm-a-vacuous-dumb-blonde-slut-and-famous-for-it" Hilton), the classic Creature of the Black Lagoon, as well as suspense-horror film Dial M for Murder (Hitchcock). Despite attracting the occasional A-list talent, the 3-D horror world would hit a dry spell for the most part over the next two or so decades. In 1974 Andy Warhol's Flesh for Frankenstein (with the ultra-kick-ass Udo Kier) would essentially be the last film to come out until the '80s 3-D renaissance.

In the '80s, specifically a tight span of about 25 months between 1982 and 1984 (give or take a few months), a wide glut of 3-D horror flicks hit the market. Some more obscure than others, such as Dogs of Hell and Parasite, but by and large these are the cheesed-out gems we all remember the most. Who can forget Voorhees donning the dirty hockey mask for the first time, firing a harpoon through some hapless geek's eye-ball in Friday the 13th Part 3? (One of my favorite Fridays, though I'm quite partial to the second installment where Voorhees rocks a cyclopean burlap sack over his dome) Or how about Dennis Quaid's offensively bad performance (and even more offensive hair-cut) in the abysmal second sequel, Jaws 3-D? The novelty, as scintillating as it may have first seemed, would run a watery course, channeling such substandard fare as Amityville 3-D, Silent Madness, and would hit a definitive low point in 1991 with the release of Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare.

By the turn of the century, 3-D would resuscitate, but not like the years of yore. Aside from three dimensional live action, such as James Cameron's Ghosts of the Abyss in 2003, the form would turn to animation for its big budget theatrical releases. In horror specific (more family fare, really), the 2006 release of Monster House would successfully allocate 3-D projection (along with The Polar Express, albeit not horror). But for every large theatrical release, about five or six straight-to-video 3-D horror flicks would leave an embarrassing stain on the sub-genre. Terrible titles like Deep Sea 3-D, The Zombie Chronicles, Hunting Season, Camp Blood (1 & 2), and the head scratching Night of the Living Dead 3-D (which apparently, Romero lent his blessing to), would not only seem to endanger high quality 3-D horror flicks, but ensure their absence from theaters. But NOT ANYMORE!

On the docket for newly minted theatrical 3-D horror is a tentative list of development deals, some further along than others:

My Bloody Valentine 3-D ('09) According to post-gazzette.com, one of the more memorable '80s slasher flicks gets re-carved, this time in the third dimension. A man returns home on the anniversary of a V-day massacre where 22 people were slaughtered, suddenly finding himself implicated. With Jamie King and Jensen Ackles attached, the film will be directed by Patrick Lussier with a likely Jan. 23 '09 release.

Monsters vs. Aliens ('09) Certainly airing on the lighter, family side, this 3-D animated movie has a pretty cool, high concept B-movie title. Monsters vs. Aliens? Damn that's cheap! The film will follow a monster hunter out to end a flock of aliens who threaten a certain cable TV service. Voice work includes that of in crowd comedians like Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Rainn Wilson, Stephen Colbert, as well as Hugh Laurie and Kiefer Sutherland. The flick will hit big screens on March 27, 2009.

Piranha 3D ('09) Alexandre Aja (High Tension), who's been on a remake tear as of late, is set to revisit Joe Dante's low budget tale of carnivorous prehistoric fish out to feast on fresh tourist blood at Lake Havasu, Arizona. Given Aja's recent track record and the thought of under-water 3-D sequences makes this a more anticipated entry on this list. A tenuous release for July 24 '09 is slated.

Avatar ('09) James Cameron, who in a nice coincidental segue (he directed Piranha 2) has set out to revolutionize the film game once again, this time with mega sci-fi intergalactic-war blockbuster, Avatar. The film has been in the works for years now (with an already companion piece Battle Angel slated), the film will star Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez and Giovanni Ribisi. Looks like a Dec. 18 '09 release is on board.

Horrorween ('09) A 3-D horror comedy about a couple of newly affluent dot-commers who decide to build a haunted house in the Hollywood Hills for Halloween (yeah, say that one seven times quick). The line between real and pretend starts to blur, and the father of the wealthy brothers becomes a repeated murder target. A ridiculous cast from Billy Shatner, to Lloyd Kaufman to Alice Cooper. Shit, I even spotted a Flavor Flav credit! An apposite October 30, '09 release is set.

Final Destination 4 ('09) Okay, perhaps a guilty pleasure, but laughable acting and inventive fatalities must be abound in this David R. Ellis helmed 3rd sequel about teens trying to escape their own death path. Currently filming, the flick is set to star the gorgeous Krista Allen, Nick Zano and Richard T. Jones.

The Gate 3-D ('09) According to marketsaw.blogspot.com (JoBlo), a dark portal to hell is re-opened in this update of the 1987 film of the same name. While only rumored at this early developmental stage, the film is said to have director Randall William Cook (renowned FX man on such work as Ghost Busters, Poltergeist II, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy etc.). Should be visually pleasing, if nothing else!

Scar 3-D Kick ass horror actress Angela Bettis (the title role in May), stars as a woman who returns home for her niece's graduation. There, her haunted past resurfaces, and the serial killer whom she thought she years ago killed once and for all, is out to make her life (or last minutes of it) living hell. Shot in 3-D in 2007, the film is directed by Jed Weintraub and co-stars Kirby Bliss Blanton, Christopher Titus, Devin Grey, and is currently seeking North American distribution.

Final Word: Depending on your own personal preference this may either seem like the cinematic second coming of Christ, or a vicious strain of genital herpes that no earthly antibiotic could ever quash. Either way, there's no denying we've warped at 88mph back to the future, might as well roll out Ronny Reagan's old bones and have him run against McCain. Shit, they're the same age. No really, I gladly welcome the return of the third dimension. If for no other reason, I just want to see kids don a pair of those fucked up red and blue glasses, who if seen in public wearing such frames, would resemble and be mistaken for a god damn psych ward patient. So start ordering those custom lenses and open those welcome arms for the grand return of 3-D horror!